Why the world is dieshaped
by Misura
Summary: Honda makes An Interesting Discovery, Joey proves he paid attention at school and Bakura goes hunting for elephants. [shounen ai hints]
1. Beginning

Why the world is die-shaped

Warnings/notes : Otogi/Honda, Seto/Joey, Yami/Yugi, Bakura/Ryou, insanity fic (including major oocness), authoress insertions, character-bashing (it's supposed to be funny -_-;), bad language

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Discworld is written by Terry Pratchett, who is more brilliant and funnier than I'll ever be. '... for Dummies'-books aren't my idea either.

For Gangsta Videl, who requested something with Tristan and Millennium Elephants (a term copyrighted by Lethe Seraph)

written at 28th october 2003, by Misura

Note for the linguistically obsessed : Serenity, Duke and Tristan are called by their japanese names, which are Shizuka, Otogi and Honda.

**********

"The world is a disc!" Honda declared with all the excitedness of a hungry Joey discovering there is yet another cookie left in the jar.

Three pairs of eyes blinked. Well, two actually, since Yami had learned never to blink anymore at the madness that made out the modern society.

"What makes you say that, Honda-kun?" Yugi asked politely.

"It's all in this book!" Honda pulled a book out of his bag, with a picture of Otogi on the cover, on a yellow background. The title proclaimed it to be 'Dungeon Dice Monsters for total dummies', behind which someone -presumably Otogi- had scribbled : 'that includes you, Honda!!!!'.

"Uhm." Yugi said, unwilling to say something inpolite, but unable to think of something nice.

"What does Otogi know about anything?!?" Joey exclaimed. He hated Otogi as much as he'd hated Seto (before he discovered he actually was in love with him, which is a long story that's not going to be told here), especially after he'd stopped trying to date Shizuka, thus robbing Joey of a perfectly rational reason to dislike him.

"Huh?" Honda blinked, staring at the book in his hand. "Oh. Wrong book, sorry!" He fished another book out of his bag. "Behold!"

The book was small, with a black cover.

There was no title on it, or anything to indicate what it was about or who had written it.

"The world isn't a disc at all!" Joey scoffed. "And no silly book is going to convince me differently! The world is a globe, everyone knows that."

Yugi nodded in agreement.

"But ... but ... " Honda stammered, "it's all in here! How the world is a disc, carried by four elephants."

Two pairs of eyes blinked again.

"Don't you think that would be ... a little bit heavy for them?" Yugi inquired softly.

"I ... I hadn't really thought of that." Honda admitted with a frown. Then he cheered up again. "I got it ; they're not ordinary elephants! They're *special*! Like ... like Millennium Elephants!"

[The authoress decied this would be a perfect moment for Yami Bakura to drop by.]

"Did someone say 'Millennium Item'?" Bakura, who could hear the word 'Millennium' (or Sennen, if he was in Japan) from a thousand miles distance, sauntered into the clearing.

"Tomb-robber." Yami growled. "You're not welcome here."

"Two things, *ex*-Pharaoh." Bakura smirked, momentarily forgetting his eternal quest for power to indulge in the pleasure of Yami-pestering. "One, this is a public place. Everyone is free to come here. And two, this is a park, not a tomb. So stop staring at me like a criminal."

["I didn't know we were in a park." Yugi remarked. The authoress ignored him.]

"Now, is someone going to answer my question?" Bakura continued.

"I wasn't talking about the four Millennium Elephants that carry the world at all." Honda replied hastily. "So you can just go back to wherever you came from."

"Ryou's bed, now that you ask." Bakura grinned. "Not that's it's any of your business."

Yami worriedly handed Yugi a handkerchief against his nosebleed.

"Well, guess I'll be leaving then." Bakura strolled off, mumbling something about a handy method he happened to have seen on TV to transport elephants.

"Don't worry, Honda, Ryou's never going to let him go on with it." Yugi said comfortingly to Honda who seemed crestfallen at the idea that someone might try stealing 'his' Millennium Elephants.

"You really think so, Yugi?" Honda asked hopefully.

"Positively." Yugi nodded.

"Pretty hard to steal elephants that don''t even exist." Joey added. "I mean, even Bakura's not *that* good a thief."

"He's not a thief at all!" Yami snapped. "He's only robbing tombs, dead people."

"Yeah, and what do you mean 'elephants that don't exist'?" Honda demanded. "Are you saying you still keep holding on to that silly thing they taught you at school about the world being a globe? I didn't know you were such a wimp."

"The earth being a globe's a lot less silly than the earth being a disk carried by elephants." Joey shot back angrily. "I mean, that's just crazy."

"I agree." Honda replied. "But that's not all. You see, these four elephants have to be standing on something, right? Well they do. They stand on the back of a giant turtle! I bet now you don't think it's such a crazy idea anymore, don't you?" He looked around triumphantly.

~dare I ask tbc?~


	2. Ending

Why the world is die-shaped

Warnings/notes : Otogi/Honda, Seto/Joey, Yami/Yugi, insanity fic (including major oocness), authoress insertions, character-bashing (it's supposed to be funny -_-;), bad language

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Discworld is written by Terry Pratchett, who is more brilliant and funnier than I'll ever be. 'Shi-ne' belongs to Aya (Weiss Kreuz), 'Omae o korosu' to Heero (Gundam Wing). 'Hn' belongs to both of them. ^^;

For Gangsta Videl, who requested something with Tristan and Millennium Elephants (a term copyrighted by Lethe Seraph)

written at 29th october 2003, by Misura

**********

"Do you think we should tell Bakura about that?" Yugi softly asked to Yami.

"Nah, let's see him try for the elephants first." Yami replied.

"Well, Joey, I'm waiting for an apology." Honda grinned.

"Oh, God, somebody save me from this idiot!" Joey groaned in disgust.

[The authoress decided this to be a perfect moment to have Seto pop up]

"Awww, is the puppy being teased by its even stupider friends?" a familiar voice sneered.

"Oh, God, somebody else than Seto Kaiba save me from this idiot and from getting into another embarrassing argument with my archenemy who is also my secret crush!" Joey exclaimed.

Nothing happened and, for a few moments, everbody looked at Joey with a stunned expression on their face. Well, everybody except Yami, since he'd always known all that fighting was just an act.

"Good afternoon, Kaiba." Yugi quipped, always prepared to be polite to his enemies (possibly because he knew Yami'd Mindcrush them if they didn't respond in kind, but ...), especially the ones he'd dealt many a humiliating defeat. "How is Mokuba?"

"Sugar-high and breaking down the house." Seto grumbled, sitting down next to Joey.

"Who said you could sit there?" Joey glared at him.

"You can get up and go somewhere else if you want to." Seto pointed out.

"I sat here first." Joey protested.

"So?" Seto asked pleasantly.

"How can I yell at you and then conveniently stumble in your arms where you will proceed to kiss me senseless if we're both sitting?" Joey reasoned. "Not to mention Yugi can see us here."

"You do have a point there." Seto sighed, rising. "Very well, mutt, let's go somewhere else. Oh, and Yami, next time we duel I'll beat you."

"I look forward to dealing you another humiliating and painful defeat." Yami replied politely.

"Damn, I forgot to tell Kaiba about my discovery." Honda muttered.

"I'm sure Kaiba already knows what shape the world has." Yugi reassured him.

"Kaiba's world is Joey-shaped." Yami snorted. Yugi giggled.

"You don't think they got like, a crush or something on eachother, do you?" Honda asked, looking vaguely disturbed. "I mean that would be kind of gross."

"I'm certain they merely have a loving and platonic hate-hate relationship, Honda-kun." Yugi smiled at him. "Just like you and Otogi."

"But me and Otogi ... ah. Of course." Honda blushed.

[The authoress decided she might as well use this exchange as Otogi's cue and kicked him into the fic]

"Ouch." Otogi stumbled into the clearing, throwing a dirty look at something behind him.

"Light of my life, apple of my eye! What has caused your divine feet to carry you here?" Honda asked, little stars and hearts fluttering around his head. It was quite fortunate they were on a clearing so that he couldn't walk into a tree due to their blinding effect.

"Hi, Otogi." Yugi smiled sweetly at yet another person he'd utterly beaten.

"Hello, Yugi." Otogi flipped back his hair, noticing Yugi wasn't alone. "Hello, Yami."

"Hn." Yami replied, shamelessly using his recently enlarged anime-lingo. Besides, he liked the way it sounded. (He was still debating on whether 'Shi-ne' or 'Omae o korosu' sounded cooler.)

"Hey, don't I get some greeting too?" Honda complained, rubbing his head after stumbling over a bench. 

"No, I decided I'm upset with you." Otogi replied.

"What? Why? I swear it wasn't me who accidentally sat on your favorite earring and got it broken and threw it away rather than telling you." Honda quickly said.

"Ah." Otogi answered. "I wondered what it was doing in my aquarium."

"Oh. Well, now you know." Honda stammered. "So, you're not angry about that?"

"Maybe tomorrow." Otogi sounded bored. "Today, I am upset with you for spreading the heinous lie that this world is disc-shaped."

"And carried by four Millennium Elephants who are standing on the Millennium Turtle." Yugi added.

"This world has the shape of a die!" Otogi declared firmly.

"But ... " Honda protested weakly. "The book ... "

"Ah yes, the book." Otogi purred, stalking a little closer to Honda. "Tell me, Honda, which would you prefer to sleep with ; me ... or that book?"

"Is that a trick-question?" Honda asked, something close to panic in his eyes.

Otogi sighed. "You're always so cute when you're being dumb, Honda. Let's go back to my apartment and I'll show you why the world is die-shaped. Or - " he continued as Honda opened his mouth to say something " - you can sleep on the couch for the next week."

"Uhm." Honda replied.

["Hey! That's *my* line!" Yugi whined. The authoress told him to hush if he wanted to get some Yami]

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." Otogi dragged a still slightly dazed Honda away. "Bye you two!"

"I think Otogi and Honda have a very cute relationship." Yugi remarked, after the park had gone quiet again.

"Cuter than Kaiba and Joey?" Yami inquired curiously.

"Hmmm, I don't know." Yugi considered the matter. "I think Kaiba and Joey are cuter. They use cuter nicknames for eachother."

"Hn." Yami replied.

"But neither of them's as cute as we are." Yugi stated contently. "We're the cutest couple of all."

"Hn."

"So, wanna go home and screw me?"

"Aibou!"

"Sorry." Yugi blushed. "Just always wanted to say that for once."

"Well, I didn't say it was a bad idea ... " Yami grinned.

Yugi blushed some more, but eventually agreed to go back home to go do some homework in his room, disregarding his grandfather's worried question if he was coming down with a fever.

And all was well with the world.

~OWARI~


End file.
